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Joke of the Day

"My dog is disabled so I have to hold him up when he pees. Long story short, I'm getting really good at writing my name in the snow."

"I'm lactose intolerant, too. Do the pills work for you? It's a crap shoot."

"what do hookers and guns have in common? the customer wants the most bang for their buck."

"Why cant you make fun of Chinese people? Because its just wong"

"Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out."

"When my friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo... I had to put my foot down."

"Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!"

"Why did the puppy get away with committing murder? ...He had paws-able deniability."

"The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill"

"Someone told me they could beat me in a photoshop battle. Adobe'd it."