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Joke of the Day

"My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"

"What do you call a stoner balancing his checkbook? High finance!"

"Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin Mobile"

"""Is your refrigerator running?"" ""Hasn't decided yet,"" I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A ""FRIDGE 2016"" banner hangs above him"

"two blondes... ...are chit chatting. ""I slept with a Brazillian!"" ""Wow, how many is that?"""

"Catching Criminals by Hans Upp"

"How many blondes does it take to change a diaper? Ask Hugh Hefner."

"A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it's time to go inside."

"How are 4chan and Tumblr alike? They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting"

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."