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Joke of the Day

"My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"

"My spirit animal just ran into a glass door."

"Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love? A: They got married in the spring."

"When you say ""liar liar pants on fire,"" it makes you a liar too. Their pants probably aren't on fire"

"""All black people are Aiwa, and all jews are Technics."" ""Those are just stereo types."""

"Hey you! Did you lose your nose? I just found it in my business."

"LIFE is just a game of Monopoly and RISK."

"HOUSE: I had dreams but no I'll just stay here & let u live in me, fine whatever WIFE: Did u hear something ME: It's just the house settling"

"The biggest cause of paedophilia in the world today... ...sexy kids"

"My mum brought a stepladder home yesterday, but it's just not the same as my REAL ladder."