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Joke of the Day

"Daylight Saving Time starts this evening, turn your clocks forward and change smoke alarm batteries before going to bed tonight."

"Trump is opting not to have celebrities at his inauguration in the same way that I opted not to take any cheerleaders to prom."

"What is Donald Trump's favorite movie? Minority Deport"

"I found some dressing in my fridge that expires on 12-21-2012.... It's called Mayanaisse...."

"[At a 5 star restaurant] *gestures at entire menu* Are any of these words fancy speak for chicken fingers and fries?"

"The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to fit in."

"News: Coleen Rooney has flown out to Brazil with her two sons to be with Wayne until England's World Cup campaign is over. That's nice bit far to go for a weekend though if you ask me."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes"

"Self checkouts are great if you're in a hurry or don't want to pay for everything."

"What do a Yugo and a bath have in common? You can't step out of them in public."