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Joke of the Day

"HOUSE: I had dreams but no I'll just stay here & let u live in me, fine whatever WIFE: Did u hear something ME: It's just the house settling"

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, ""This is all melted! Why would you serve this outside?"""

"I'm thinking of going as a pimp for Halloween. Anybody know how the CEO of Wells Fargo dresses?"

"Don't use up the last of the milk! Leave just enough in there to piss somebody off."

"A death metal song about an Excel spreadsheet not doing what I want."

"What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!"

"What do you call a booger that you've been squishing for awhile? Boograr"

"I bought a fancy new clock radio today. It cost me alarm and a leg."

"I lost my mood ring... And I'm not sure how I should feel about it."

"Why married guys are fat A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting there; he goes to bed. A married guy goes in the bedroom, sees nothing interesting there; he goes to the fridge."