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Joke of the Day

"How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama? One Mississippi."

"TRUMP: I'm building a wall to keep Mexicans out. AMERICANS: I'm going to Canada if Trump is elected. CANADIANS: We need to build a wall."

"I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver."

"Every tweet has 140 characters and if some of you learned the difference between it's and its you'd have one to spare."

"A dolphin was on trial for killing a family member... The judge asked, ""Did you do it on porpoise?"""

"Totally blasting Billy Joel out of my minivan. I'm like sex on wheels right now."

"I got a text today It read: You have won 500 or the chance to see an Elvis impersonator show!!! Reply 1 for the money, 2 for the show."

"If I could be any arithmetic operation, I'd be subtraction. I just want to make a difference."

"Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked."

"Why do the French have so many civil wars? So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)"