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Joke of the Day

"So it looks like there was a paedophile ring operating at the heart of Thatcher's government. I don't know why everyones so shocked, they were well known for fucking miners."

"I like my women like I like my whiskey. Aged 14 years and mixed up in a little coke."

"Congratulations on having your 2nd kid. But aren't you supposed to learn from your past mistakes?"

"Accidentally swallowed some food coloring. I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside"

"Is it gay when the Doublemint Twins make out? Naw, they're just exspearminting."

"What comes up but never comes down? Russian Cosmonauts"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeve..."

"My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter... ""You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."""

"What do you do if your lawnmower stops working? Deport him back to Mexico"

"I just set Twitter to post to Facebook, and Facebook to tweet to Twitter... So the internet should explode any minute now."