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Joke of the Day
"According to my laptop, my New Year's resolution is 1680 x 1050."
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"I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt."
"I have Tourettes you fucking bitch."
"So PSY's song ""Dear American"" includes the lyric ""Kill them all slowly and painfully"" and now I understand what Gangnam Style was all about."
"[karate sign up table] ""Ok guys with a ponytail or that are named Vince please form a second line you are the advanced class"""
"911 I JUST SAW TWO TRANSFORMERS FIGHTING ""Mr Bay, please stop doing this every time you see a car crash"""
"What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile? A carpet."
"Instagram says it now can sell your pics without your permission. Good luck making money with pictures of Cups of coffee, Cupcakes & clouds."
"The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die"
"""Apparently I wasn't clear the first time that I want exactly two joules per second in my ass"" ""I said watt watt in the butt."""