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Joke of the Day

"""In case of emergency break glass"" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag."

"Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are on a boat that is sinking, who survives? America."

"Sometimes I think you have good taste in clothing as I try on your sundress. Other times I think you need a better home security system"

"*Social justice ppl arrive at nintendo headquarters in japan* ""Game... BOY?"" *merciless, graphic slaughter of nintendo employees ensues*"

"Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend"

"Q: How is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music? A: If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat."

"Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?"

"What do you call a fake noodle? ImPasta"

"It was such a hard core lesbian bar... even the pool table didn't have balls."

"What's the easiest way to make a million dollars? Invest a billion."