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Joke of the Day

"What's the easiest way to make a million dollars? Invest a billion."

"So I told my dad a joke about Sandy Hook the other day. He didn't think it was funny I guess it's aimed at a younger audience."

"Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job."

"There was a girl in my school with breasts on her back. She wasn't much to look at, but she never missed a slow dance."

"As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft."

"How did the rabbit know his wife was cheating on him? He found a hare in his bed."

"Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they can't elope."

"My wife doesn't like communism jokes. I capitalize on'em."

"People who use the wrong words sometimes should have the humidity to admit it."

"What do you call a cow that will go down in history? Legendairy [From my young daughter]"