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Joke of the Day

"Where do galaxies go to college? University! Happy 1st day back to school to many of you :)"

"I'm a completely broke farmer. The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined. I literally can't buy shit."

"What is an MRI's favorite music? Metal"

"I don't trust this 'would you like cash back' bullshit. I'm trying to give you my money, but you're also trying to give me my money? Weird."

"What does a musician use to build a house? A tuba-four"

"Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years."

"Why is it customary to drink 8 mojitos a day in Cuba? It's the Hemming way."

"""Sweating bullets"" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot."

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman? ... a surprisingly stable person; according to my Homie O'Statis."

"My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic"