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Joke of the Day

"""I'd like one personal pizza please"" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. ""Whoa maybe not that personal"""

"Two flies are eating a turd. One of them farts, and the other one says ""Dude, gross. I'm eating."""

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted"

"[at bar] ""Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year."" Whoa that's impressive! ""I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."""

"Why don't Buddhists have Instagram? They don't believe in the concept of a selfie."

"The Pope just changed his relationship status to It's Complicated..."

"I'm teaching my dog to jump through burning hoops. This is my 12th dog."

"I'm going to name my son After Me. So every time he asks to do something cool I say ""ya After Me."""

"[Sexting] ""So, what are you wearing?"" A nice blouse and a light sweater. Sensible shoes."

"What do you call a pair of snakeskin trousers? Serpants."