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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to name my son After Me. So every time he asks to do something cool I say ""ya After Me."""

"What has no legs, nor arms, but sucks a mean dick? A vacuum cleaner."

"What has long ears four legs and is worn on your head? An Easter bunnet!"

"With the rape allegations against Cosby... I guess we know what he meant by pudding pops. (I just made this up. Sorry if it's been posted.)"

"Abortion, just brings out the kid in you."

"I asked my German friend how many jews there are in Germany today He replied: I don't know, do you want me to gas? (This is conversation actually took place like an hour ago)"

"I bought my epileptic friend a strobe light for his birthday. He's going to have a fit when he sees it."

"Did you hear about the Irish man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe."

"Why did the skeleton cross the road? because fuck you thats why."

"""That's a sexy little outfit you're wearing,"" I said. ""I bet you want my cock in you."" ""Dave,"" my wife said, ""do you know I can hear you on the baby monitor?"""