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Joke of the Day

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor."

"I just hit a Smart car and now it's my hood ornament."

"Remember: if the Pilgrims had shot a bobcat instead of a turkey, we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving ..."

"give a man a shoe and he'll be confused as to what he needs one shoe for. teach a man to shoo and you won't have to deal with his confusion."

"So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles ""Hardback?"" she inquired. ""Yes"" I said. ""and little heads."""

"What do DNA and Diarrhea have in common? They both run in your jeans (genes)"

"Pillow fights didn't last as long in the Stone Age."

"Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them."

"Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*"

"I punched a drug addict in the face. I guess I beat the crack outta him. (The best joke I have ever made up.)"