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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space? It's a little meteor."

"It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again."

"Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!"

"[standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible"

"they say that if you play nickelback backwards, it's devil worship... But even worse, if you play it forwards it's nickelback"

"Come here you little vixen and let me take off your top. -me to my beer."

"Met a microbiologist this morning He was bigger than I expected."

"Where do you find a one legged dog? NSFW Wherever you fucking left him"

"The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris."

"What do Jimmy Saville's victims and Aston Villa fans have in common? They're still talking about what happened in 1982."