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Joke of the Day
"[standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible"
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"""Everything the light touches is ours,"" I tell my son while opening the fridge."
"Who makes a million dollars a day? Someone who works in a mint."
"One Man's trash is other man's treasure Said Jereme. But it certainly wasn't the best he could say to his child just after he learnt that he was adopted."
"We need to make music cool again people. If you go home with someone and they have a Justin Bieber CD in their music collection, don't fcuk them."
"Kim Jong Un has become so fat We now refer to him as Kim Jong Deux."
"People nowadays take pictures, not for memories, but to post them on Facebook and get comments."
"Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit? All the pairs of floating eyes"
"What did Matthew McConaughey have to say about the 2016 Oscar-winner's line-up? All white, all white, all white!"
"I'm the guy that lures fragile old ladies into my windowless van at night with Werthers Originals.Then safley escort them to the bingo hall."