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Joke of the Day
"I hate autocorrect... It turns my writing into a total duckfest."
Next Joke
"A drunk stumbles out of the bar, sees a nun on the sidewalk and pops her one right in the nose... while she's on the ground crying, he says,""Not so tough now, are you, Batman?"""
"Drugs have taken me to some really dark places in my life... Seriously, like really poorly lit crack houses"
"I'm so fucking sick of you guys making Asian-lady stereotypes. Now shut up so I can get back to my nail salon."
"Guys say ""never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn't die"" as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy."
"What did Michael J. Fox's dad say when Michael J. Fox tried to parallel park? ""Watch the Parking son."""
"Just walked past a girl with a Banksy tattoo on her arm. She must be a really deep sleeper!"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."
"Quick! What's protocol for when he opens my car door for me and just shy of 7,000 Sonic straw wrappers fall out?"
"You never hear about a new ghost. ""Oh yeah, this place is haunted since Jeff died last Tuesday."""