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Joke of the Day

"I'm really bad at portioning uncooked pasta...so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready."

"What's the first thing you should do when you bring a Thai girl home? Check to make sure your dick is bigger than hers."

"drinking game: take a shot every time the futility of your existence depresses you"

"It's so cold in Michigan right now. The politicians have their hands in their own pockets."

"The Indian man went to the doctor complaining about stomach pains. He had Hindigestion."

"A Male teacher is asked why he enjoys working with kids He said ""i see myself in them"" Edit: He is a pedophile but no one knows it"

"Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?"

"A cop asked me if I was high last night. I was on my balcony at my apartment and told him, ""For being three floors up higher than you, I'd say I am!"""

"Last Halloween I had to explain to everyone that I was not a ghost with a boner, but I was just a ghost and I happened to have a boner."

"Ladies: If he's right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys."