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Joke of the Day
"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? because his wife died."
Next Joke
"Earlier today I walked by a PERFECTLY S-shaped dog turd & didn't tweet a photo of it so I guess what I'm saying is that I'm growin up, guys"
"[speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*"
"As Sitting Bull said to the mermaid . . . ""How?"""
"What Do You Call A Rainy Spelling Bee? Alphabet Soup."
"In person it's lying, but in texting, you can just call it a typo."
"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you need a fairly big lightbulb."
"2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party."
"If I worked at Starbucks I'd pull a Napoleon Dynamite every time. ""I see you're drinking 2%, is that because you think you're fat?"""
"What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary? A hedgehog."