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Joke of the Day

"Octopus 1-you up for tennis? Octopus 2- I cant my tennis elbows are actin up again Octo1-..we dont have elb Octo2- I DONT WANNA PLAY CARL"

"INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself"

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Nothing she just gagged a little."

"Wife: We don't have anything planned today... Me: Cool! Wife: ...so I was thinking we should... Me: (dammit)"

"So Nicole Scherzinger has gone from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran... Guess orange really is the new black."

"My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine."

"What do they say about the blind prostitute? You really gotta hand it to her."

"Why doesn't God like grapefruit? Because he doesn't fucking exist."

"Children are the gift that keeps on taking."

"There's nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their ""whooo's a good dog"" voice."