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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't God like grapefruit? Because he doesn't fucking exist."

"When someone says ""The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you"", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me."

"Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart"

"*sees baby* *feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore* *sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes* *sadness evaporates*"

"The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important."

"What should female robots NOT come standard with. A sound card..."

"Tiger Woods is the most overrated athlete in the history. In almost all matches he was sub-par."

"I'm a bit racist. I think F1 is much better than NASCAR."

"Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying ""Guns don't kill people. I do."""

"In 5th grade I had to do a report on Ben Franklin and my parents interpreted it as me liking him so my 11th birthday was Ben Franklin themed"