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Joke of the Day

"I say no to alcohol every day. It just doesn't listen."

"Why did the chicken cross the pathway? By doing so, he got to the other side. Romney 2012."

"How do you throw a space party? You planet!"

"The doctors all doubted me. They all thought I couldn't do it. They said I couldn't fight them all at once and well, they were 100% right"

"How can you tell when a Serbian girl isn't wearing any underwear? By the dandruff on her shoes."

"[landlord showing new tenant around] ""No smoking allowed"" ""How about pets?"" ""That's fine"" [dog walks in and lights up] ""We'll take it"""

"Who loves you more, your wife or your dog? Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk?"

"Two Cows are scared of getting mad cow disease A cow walks up to another cow and asks ""Are you scared of Mad Cow Disease?"" He replies, shocked ""No, I'm a Duck."""

"Got into a fight with an Egyptian. We were fez to fez."

"So I found a hair in my pasta.. AN ANGEL HAIR! lololol"