148397

Joke of the Day

"The doctors all doubted me. They all thought I couldn't do it. They said I couldn't fight them all at once and well, they were 100% right"

"""I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby."" Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned ""Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."""

"You can't put a price on slippery lemons."

"I am all for women receiving equal rights and lefts!"

"Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide. Edit: spelling."

"As a young southern farmer I used to dread wasting my time with hoes Now finally I can afford a tractor"

"What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi-Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i."

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"[feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk"

"In a recent survey 9 out of 10 bros actually chose Ho's over each other."