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Joke of the Day

"One blonde says to the another: ""Hey, let's yell simultaneously! 3, 2, 1 ""SIMULTANEOUSLY!! SIMULTANEOUSLY!!!"""

"Who is Joseph Kony's favorite rapper? Soulja Boy"

"Why was the ant so confused? All of if its uncles are aunts!"

"Good cop ""If you confess maybe we can cut you some sort of deal..."" Crab cop *walks sideways off the table*"

"How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw. Heard from my friend"

"I'm working on a screenplay called '127 Seconds' about my fat co-worker getting his hand stuck in a Pringles tube."

"Did you hear about the twins with a fruit fetish? (May be NSFW) They came in pears"

"My son- Can I have ice cream? Me- No, it's breakfast Him-The dog just pooped in the living room Me-Clean it up & you can have some ice cream"

"GET OVER HERE thunders across the bar as a harpooned rope impales a beautiful girl. The bartender smiles and shakes his head at Scorpion."

"A truck driver runs over a woman. Whose fault is it? The truck driver's, he was driving through her kitchen."