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Joke of the Day

"GET OVER HERE thunders across the bar as a harpooned rope impales a beautiful girl. The bartender smiles and shakes his head at Scorpion."

"Father, pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve, acquit, forgive me, for I have synonymed."

"I love telling jokes... But I always punch up the fuck line. Shit!"

"Race Horse Joke/tongue twister One-one was a race horse. Two-two was one too. One-one won one race. Two-two won one too."

"Can someone just tell me which guy Bridget Jones ends up with? I keep killing myself before the end of the movie."

"Why do men like football? Because the biggest priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life.... Scoring and Ball Security."

"Why did Leonardo Take forever to laugh at my Oscars joke? Cause he just got it!"

"When I get fired, I assume they are going to show me a hidden-camera montage of me flipping off my boss and customers behind their backs."

"Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel... Ground Breaking Stuff."

"At the restaurant with food still on my plate... Server: ""Do you wanna box for that"" Me: ""No. It's not worth fighting for"""