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Joke of the Day

"Good cop ""If you confess maybe we can cut you some sort of deal..."" Crab cop *walks sideways off the table*"

"My Grandfather died quietly in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car."

"Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby? They always turn out blurry from him shaking them."

"a 3 year old daughter * her - will i have a baby in my belly some day? * her dad - if u want to.. * her - no, that place is for candies"

"I feed my cat lemons. He's a real sour puss."

"God said unto John... ""John if you come fourth you shall receive eternal life!"" But John came fifth and won a toaster"

"All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens."

"Somewhere between murder and suicide There's Merseyside"

"""so what did you do before self-driving cars?"" ""we just drove 'em ourselves!"" ""wow, no one died that way?"" ""oh no, millions of people died"""

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, YOU RACIST SON OF A BITCH!"