97001

Joke of the Day

"I'm the skeptical guy in the infomercial audience. I didn't believe a $20 food chopper could be such a good value. guess what. I was wrong."

"What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark? A hardvark!"

"I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don't even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago."

"Accidentally sent a guy a ;) instead of a :), now one of us is probably pregnant."

"Referees at the Lions-Seahawks Game"

"ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*"

"[DARK] A bulky muslim man walks into a gay bar... He says ""EVERYONE, WANNA SEE THESE GUNS??"" Everyone ""YEEEAAAHHH!!!"" And. Thats how Orlando happened. And dark humor is never too soon :)"

"One of my great-grandparents believed in God, but the other seven didn't Which makes me an eighth theist"

"Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses."

"What is the first sign of spring? Two rednecks carrying a heater into the pawn shop."