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Joke of the Day

"2 convicted murderers escaped a New York prison using cordless power tools. Authorities said,when they get a hold of them they will be charged."

"What do you say when you see your television floating in the night? Drop it, nigga! What do you say when you see your refrigerator floating in the night? Nothing. That's a big-ass nigga."

"What do you do to a dead fruit? You *berry* it."

"Whats the difference between a chicken and an alligator? I don't know."

"Me to waitress: Do you validate? Waitress: Parking, you mean? Me: No. Like, can I read you some tweets and you tell me if you like them?"

"So I invented a new beef and vegetable recipe, but it wasn't so great... It was meaty-okra."

"""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."" -FDR ""Exactly."" -everyone with anxiety"

"Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Cause he can't do stand-up."

"Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool Wooden tit?"

"Knock knock. Who's there? It's Amy. Amy who? It's amy, MARIO!"