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Joke of the Day

"What do you say when your girlfriend accuses you of being an ass man? I'm anything but."

"By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?"

"An American and a German were playing ""Thumb War"" ""One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war."" ""Five, six, seven, eight, I use this hand to masturbate."" ""Einz, zwei, drei, so do I."""

"Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy? They didn't want their rooms covered with seamen."

"What color is ice? Hielo."

"How many people of a certain ethnicity does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the lightbulb; the other nine to act in a manner stereo-typically associated with said ethnicity."

"So tell me, what do you think of the rectum as a whole?"

"What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair blonde? Brainwashing."

"This woman walked into a bar... and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave it to her."

"Fighter plane escorts a passenger jet in to Manchester airport as the pilot reported a suspicious item on board. The United team bringing back a trophy this season."