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Joke of the Day

"ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is."

"Michael Schumacher. The second most damaging German fuckup in the French Alpines."

"Yesterday I accidentaly came on my girlfriends earring... Now she has hearing-aids!"

"* wishes on shooting star "" the wish you have wished for has already been taken, please try again"""

"What Rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore."

"The Pirate and the alphabet Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet? Because they spend years at sea."

"I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot. The waiter just shrugged it off. ""I'm sorry sir,"" the waiter told him. ""All snails are final."""

"If you've ever accidentally stepped on a cat's tail, you've seen my wife's sex face."

"I'd be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer."

"Survival Tip: if a bear comes at you, do not try to ""sweep the leg"". They've all seen The Karate Kid and learned how to defend against it."