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Joke of the Day

"I'd be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer."

"Batman (1989): An orphan fights a clown"

"Bought some expensive neck cream. Directions say to apply it twice daily. If I slather it on every hour, I'll have the neck of a teen."

"My 5th grader is one eye roll away from being listed on eBay this morning."

"Facebook: Because I like being reminded that I went to school with idiots."

"Not only is my short-term memory horrible... So is my short-term memory."

"Last night I dreamt I was a muffler... I woke up this morning exhausted."

"50 Cent has filed for bankruptcy, he will now be known as 50. Story is he doesn't have a cent to his name. *drops the mic walks away*"

"I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork."

"""Hmm, how can I look at her boobs but not look at her boobs?"" - Guy who invented sunglasses."