221010

Joke of the Day

"Michael Schumacher. The second most damaging German fuckup in the French Alpines."

"ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me."

"[M] What's the hardest part of owning a cat? Telling your parents you're gay."

"A blind prostitute is giving a guy a handjob... ...And she says ""Wow this is the biggest dick I've ever been with!"" And the guy goes ""Nah, you're just pulling my leg."""

"There are three types of people in the world. Those that understand math and those that don't."

"What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party? I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy."

"Why did Olly call the manager for help, outside the store? For the watch.."

"My phone changed 'loud' to 'logs' so I ""laughed out logs"" at a friend's joke. I mean, I did poop a little, BUT HOW DID MY PHONE KNOW?"

"If you speak Japanese... Why would you support Trump? He's such a card."

"How does Pinocchio's father know when his son tells a lie? He just nose it."