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Joke of the Day

"You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? Hahahaa WHY!!??"

"My wife told me I'm not allowed to impersonate a flamingo anymore... I had to put my foot down"

"Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn't! They found me!"

"If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn't want me here either."

"Confucius say... Difference between camping and being homeless is intent."

"I got a sweater for Christmas... ...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer. From: Jerry ""The King"" Lawler"""

"Paddy needs to get his shit together"

"ME: I want to take long walks with you. HER: Aww...are you a romantic? ME: No, I don't have a car."

"It's a do or dive for Robben as Netherlands play Argentina in the semifinals."

"Why was the dolphin happy and the shark depressed? The sharks life lacked porpoise."