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Joke of the Day

"My GF begged me to stop singing Linkin Park I tried so hard."

"It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards. Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey."

"Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea, I'm not black."

"Text Flirting Tip: Don't reply immediately. Play it cool, wait for a minute, then eventually forget to reply and ruin everything."

"Did I tell you I'm joining a gym in Gainesborough? Because I'm all about those gains bro"

"Quick question: How many bowls of mac and cheese can you eat during a Skype job interview before you look unprofessional?"

"What do you call a cat sitting on the edge of a cliff? A precipuss."

"What do you call a plan to exterminate Hipsters? The Vinyl solution."

"What's Hitlers favorite video game? Space Invaders"

"They're dying the Chicago River blue in honor of the Cubs win... It's the first time it will be blue since the French got there."