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Joke of the Day

"[airport] ""you should have used a tag"" [a horse emerges on luggage belt] noone else has brought a horse linda [another horse appears] oh FFS"

"I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it."

"I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial."

"What the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple? Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face."

"I read ""Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"" in 4 hours yesterday. I know it's only 6 words, but I was still impressed with myself."

"Blonde: Doctor, it hurts everywhere I touch. Doctor: You have a broken finger."

"To all the people making jokes about Reddit and not putting any additional text:"

"Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die? He was in de-Nile."

"Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house."