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Joke of the Day
"I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial."
Next Joke
"Know what her cervix and a plate glass patio door have in common They both make her eyes light up when you run into them."
"*shows up to salsa lessons with tostitos* haha what the heck are you idiots doing"
"Spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love."
"A Jewish Coffee brand named... Hebrews It"
"TOASTER OVEN: Do you really need another Hot Pocket? ME: You shut your mouth TO: If I shut my mouth will you stop putting Hot Pockets in it"
"Me: Give me some space, I'm feeling claustrophobic 8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can't"
"Avoid arguments about the toilet seat...use the sink..."
"Sometimes I just wish I was black. That way I wouldn't have to deal with all the dad jokes"
"Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said ""strip down facing me,"" she meant my credit card."