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Joke of the Day

"Blonde: Doctor, it hurts everywhere I touch. Doctor: You have a broken finger."

"Nick Clegg I just found out he was a politician! I thought Nick Clegg was just what you do to stop Oscar Pistorius from getting away."

"Did you hear about the christian rapper who went missing? He never did turn up."

"A helium atom walks into a bar. The bartender says ""get out, we don't serve your kind here"". The helium atom did not react."

"I was in bed with the wife the other night and she said if I turned the bedside light out she'd take it up the arse... Maybe I should have let it cool down a bit first."

"Knock, Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!"""

"What's your New Year's resolution? Mines is still 1920x1080, unfortunately."

"When Snoop Dogg was born, he had 3pounds .. in his possession."

"Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin? They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm."

"Imagine going to a theater in 1765 to see Mozart play symphony number 30 but as soon as he starts playing, the bass drops and people go nuts"