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Joke of the Day
"Boss: You're late! You shoulda been here two hours ago! Me: Why? What happened two hours ago?"
Next Joke
"H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one? Me: Yep"
"I turned my phone on ""Airplane Mode"" and threw it into the air. Worst transformer ever."
"I'm getting a new appreciation for black and white films... I just watched jungle fever and I loved it!!!"
"If a dog is on a submarine..... Is it a Subwoofer?"
"A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl."
"I like my men how I like my coffee. Sweet."
"Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room."
"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."
"What do you call an agreeable ghost? BOO-YA!"