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Joke of the Day

"Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room."

Next Joke
 
"[standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. ""That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."""
"I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week Phoned her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs."
"never trust a person who says they don't like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them"
"Q: What's green and has wheels? A: Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels."
"Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now"
"Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's To get to the other side"
"I really dislike my CW, so everyday I steal a Kleenex from her desk. In about 500 days, she's gonna be pissed."
"My wife asked me: ""Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."" I replied: "" I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"""
"I hear they took Aaron Hernandez out of Madden and put him in Grand Theft Auto V."