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Joke of the Day

"H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one? Me: Yep"

"so what if I can't spell Armageddon.. .. it's not the end of the world."

"An elephant and a camel are chatting at a party The elephant asks ""Why do you have your tits on your back?"" ""YOU KNOW FOR SOMEONE WHOSE DICK IS IN THEIR FACE THAT'S A REALLY STUPID QUESTION!"""

"Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."

"Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow? Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!"

"What do you call a Jewish man's scrotum? Goldman Sachs"

"Two men walked into a bar You'd think at least one of them would've ducked."

"If you're Russian when you're going to the bathroom, and Finnish when you get out, what are you while you're in the bathroom? European!"

"I just love that new Pope smell."

"A woman goes into a sex shop to buy a vibrator... She says to the guy behind the counter ""give me that red one behind you"" he goes ""sorry a fire extinguisher"""