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Joke of the Day

"Marathon runner: I think we're lost. Why does that sign say Grand Canyon? Are you sure this is the right way? Lemming: Just trust me, ok?"

"Q: How does an octopus go to war? A: Armed."

"Were a blind person to go sky diving, how would they do it? Wait until the leash goes slack, then pull the rip cord."

"So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen Sodium reacted violently."

"Um, I'm not ""complaining"" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty"

"H: Well, the remote was definitely broken, so I went and bought a new one. Me: H: Oh, and it came with this 75"" television."

"Dear Kanye West, Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately"

"What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? You can't fuck a rock ..."

"What do you call a fly without any wings? A walk"

"Where do monkeys hang out? At the monkey bars."