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Joke of the Day

"Kids are like doughnuts. Sweet and yummy but more than one, maybe two, and you're like, ""What the hell have I done?"""

"I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray He's still alive, but his hair looks amazing."

"I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before!"

"What's worse than the Holocaust? The Holocaust! wait shit"

"Inventor of the bar code dies at 91. Several burial attempts will be made before a manager is called to enter him into the ground manually."

"What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and donald trump? One of them is a racist carrot"

"STUDENT: Will there be a final? PROFESSOR: Does a bear shit in the woods? BEAR STUDENT: *from the back row* Thats none of your damn business"

"People ask me questions like I'm listening"

"A motorist runs over a woman. Who's to blame? The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)"

"Why is Santa's Sack so big? Because he only comes once a year."