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Joke of the Day

"Me: BARTENDER! Bring me another beer. Him: Mom, I'm doing my homework. Me: *claps* Star! Him: I hate Twitter. Me: *belch* blocked."

"""Old Macdonald had a farm. Had."" -banks"

"Did anyone hear how Ellen Degeneres died? She drowned, they found her face down in Ricki Lake"

"I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but, I changed my mind."

"If you say ""gullible"" very slow, it sounds like ""butterflies"""

"There are only three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't."

"SON: What's a sex tape? ME: Er well when er a man & a woman have er intercourse they S: No M: No? S: Dad. I know what sex is. What's a tape?"

"Reasons I Don't Smoke Pot"

"How come you never see elephants hiding up trees? Because they are really good at it."

"It's impossible to describe why u are angry at a parent without sounding like a lunatic. ""They wanted me to eat salad! Can u believe that?"""