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Joke of the Day

"I bet sex with a stingray is like fucking a giant pancake."

"Did you hear about the time traveler who finished his plate? He went back four seconds."

"You know what really gets on my nerves? myelin"

"I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time."

"I just had sex with Jesus Christ I wasn't prepared for his second coming."

"My first day in prison & my giant cell-mate wants to play house. He asks me if I want to be Mama or Papa. I tell him I'll be Papa. ""Ok Papa. Now get over here and suck Mama's dick."""

"I don't want to perpetuate a fat girl stereotype, but this blow job could use a side of ranch."

"There are three people with four cigarettes on a boat. None of them have a lighter or matches. What do they do? Throw a cigarette over-board so the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter!"

"I did bad and I should feel bad What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people? Horizontal blinds."

"Why are people supporting Donald Trump? Because he has what plants crave; electrolytes."