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Joke of the Day

"A pair of mittens says to a hat, ""I'll stay here, you go on a head"""

"flappy bird misunderstanding someone told me to get flappy bird. trying to pick up women from my local bingo hall, was not what they meant."

"Love must not be a very good student... Because Love isn't always on time."

"[labels account ""18+""] [tweets exclusively about voting & buying cigarettes legally]"

"(Waiter) ""What can I get you sir?"" (Gastronomist) ""Something with a simpler plot."""

"I was just reminiscing with my friends about our day out at the clock museum... ...good times!"

"What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common? Someone that didn't take it out in time."

"What do you say to someone with a bladder problem? Urine trouble."

"Every Political Ad Ever: I'm a rich guy who's not like the other rich guy he's a total douche. *Paid for by my rich guy friends*"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil..."