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Joke of the Day

"The fact that you can feel sad, then listen to a song and feel better proves that feelings are stupid."

"It would suck being run over by a limo because it would take twice as long."

"Morpheus: If you take the red pill, I will show you what the Matrix is. Neo: *ingests pill* Whoa. Morpheus: It's also a powerful laxative."

"The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger."

"Celebrities are called stars because they're hot, not very bright, unattainable and destined to eventually collapse into a black hole."

"What is the world's fastest land animal? The Ethiopian chicken"

"What does Ronald Reagan have that Jimmy Carter doesn't? A widow."

"What do you call a polish guy on a boat? A fishing pole"

"Why did Adele cross the road? Because she wanted to"

"Did you used to blow bubbles when you were younger? Well, he's back in town lookin' for ya!"