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Joke of the Day
"I want this election to be over so badly you'd think it was a friend's play."
Next Joke
"A Higgs Boson walks into a church The priest says ""we don't allow Higgs Bosons in here"". The Higgs Boson then replies ""but without me, how could you have mass?"""
"Unless you can be Batman, always be yourself."
"What do you call a piece of spaghetti that steals people's identities? An impasta!"
"I refuse to participate in scavenger hunts because it's still murder to shoot people even if they were digging in dumpsters."
"Kid: ""I want to be a doctor when I grow up."" Mom: ""You can't. Your hands aren't cold enough."""
"why did the energizer bunny go to jail? he got charged with battery"
"So a Harley Davidson rolls into a bar and the bartender asks what it'd like. RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM"
"Wolverine: You know what I can't heal? Jean: What Logan? Wolverine: A broken heart *professor x starts laughing from the other room*"
"What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast? Well, I had toast. EDIT: me and /u/Nekovivie weren't expecting you to know. cuz^you^have^a^small^dick"