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Joke of the Day

"Karate classes... Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you."

"My buddy with 3 nuts just got a tattoo It was tri-bal."

"5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees? Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool"

"Halloween is the second woman's day in the year You can see slutty drunk witches everywhere after dark."

"What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service? Im a fungi"

"Jose Mourinhio The Special One....... David Moyes The Chosen One..... Fellipe Scholari Seven One."

"Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property."

"I won a waterfight with the local kids at the park. No ones a match for me and my kettle!"

"What do you call a bunch of Mexican Stoners? Baked Beans."

"How do you explain this gap in your resume? ""I was in jail."" Okay. Sure you weren't working for Trump's campaign? ""Swear to God. Jail."""