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Joke of the Day

"WHAT OTHER ILLNESSES DO I HAVE?! I told my doctor I think I'm a hypochondriac. As usual, the medicine he gave me isn't working."

"What did the mobster call it when he couldn't move his dead friend's body? Rigatoni!"

"I like camping but... it's so in tents"

"I'm not gullible but she said I was the best she's ever had and then to wait by the phone for instructions on how to get my wallet back."

"I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?"

"Mouse and elephant are on their way to the pool. *Told* *by* *my* *adorable* *niece.* Elephant: Bollox! I forgot my swim trunks! Mouse: Don't worry, I brought a spare."

"How do you throw a party in space? Planet. I'll show myself out."

"I sneezed and my bra unsnapped. I think this cold is trying to seduce me."

"A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for sexual harassment because I've been giving her ""inappropriate massages during work"" I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here."

"Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I'd also be responding to all texts they receive.They've been well behaved since."