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Joke of the Day

"What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning? I'm not letting you cook dinner again"

"Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment."

"How do you assemble a computer? Bit by bit."

"What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted? One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)"

"Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches? They prefer cricket matches!"

"How do you make a Welsh person comfortable while playing Scrabble? Remove the vowels in his rack."

"Why are Plumbers always so tired? Because their job is draining."

"Why is the grass greener in Ireland, than it is in England? It's because we are all over here in England, walking on your grass."

"When someone starts making fun of my air guitar skills I just whip out my finger pistols and it usually shuts them right up."

"My answering machine message: ""I have caller ID, please don't leave a message, I will not be returning your call."" No beep, just a foghorn."