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Joke of the Day

"anyone wanna hear a pizza joke? Nahhh, its too CHEESY."

"*I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* ""Make a wish,"" I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*"

"How do you find the vegan on tumblr they find you"

"Just bit into a Pop Tart so hot that it caused me to involuntarily perform the falsetto ""ah-ha-ha-ha-"" intro to Stayin' Alive"

"The silver-tongued lover can always make a woman blush... ... because they're a practiced, cunning linguist."

"I wish my refrigerator would quit opening my bedroom door, staring at me, sighing and walking away."

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it."

"Took a random unmarked pill I found on the floor because times are tough and no matter what happens it'll make for good tweets."

"*gets on 1 knee* Jenny... ""OMG"" *places hand on heart and starts crying* ""This is great!"" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack"

"What is a duck's favorite dance ? The quackstep !"